Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
