Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
