I am puke
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My cat gives me a boner
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
