I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
