Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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