I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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