Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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