she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
