My liver just broke up with me...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
