I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
