I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
