On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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