so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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