I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
