Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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