hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
