We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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