And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
