I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
