my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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