he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
