our cab driver is having phone sex.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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