my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
