I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
