do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
