the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
