im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
