is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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