I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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