I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
