It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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