You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
