Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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