i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
