quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
