so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
