she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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