Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
