His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
