Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just tell him i said nine months
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
