i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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