Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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