I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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