from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My vagina just recognized that song.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
