I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
