Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
