During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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