i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
