its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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