I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sex in the backyard? Check.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
